R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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