I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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