I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
