i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
