Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
