Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
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