Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Randomize
