so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
