pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
he high fived his dick after we had sex
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
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