My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
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