i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
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