He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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