you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
