my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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