you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
