just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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