Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
