piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
