I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
