When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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