I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
