I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
