let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
