woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
