Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
