Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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