so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Randomize
