I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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