everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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