Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
