I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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