i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Randomize
