Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
