they said they heard you say put it in my butt
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Randomize
