i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
