This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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