Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
