Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Randomize
