Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Randomize
