So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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