There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
