Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
