so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
