I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
