I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
