Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
