I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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