Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
