He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
