The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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